A common complaint for parents is that they just don't have time. Time for themselves, time for their career, time to relax. Of course, being a parent means that you share your time with your children. Homework, extracurriculars, school events, and quality time all now consumes a chunk of your 24-hour day. But that doesn't mean that you can't find a way to have time for the most important things in your life.

Time box your life

There is a theory that there should be a healthy balance between work, leisure, and sleep. The 8-8-8 rule. However, in today's world, we all know that a portion of your 8-hour leisure time is consumed by traffic, helping with homework, house chores, and the list goes on.

Nonetheless, there is something to be said for setting specific amounts of time aside for certain things.

Make your own 8-8-8 rule

Sleep - the third slot.

If you have a goal of 7 hours of sleep each night, and you must wake at 6 am, then aim to be in bed, lights off, every night by 11 pm. Set that time box and try not to waiver. That's your first slot of your 8-8-8 rule. In this scenario, it's X-X-7.

Work, the first slot.

What are the hours you have to be at work? 9 - 5? 8 - 5? How long does it take you to get to work? Time box that block out of your day, be firm about when you have to leave home and when you have to leave work. Let's say that your work day, including commute, lasts 9 hours. This is assuming that you're driving and can't use the commute to do anything else. If your commute does allow you to do other things, lessen this number to what's appropriate. That brings your rule to 9-X-7.

Leisure (unscheduled), the second slot.

What are the hours you have left over? If you can't change your work schedule, and you want to be well rested, then what's left over is your unscheduled time that you need to prioritize.

Here's my example schedule for days I work from home (3 days per week):

• 11:00 pm - 7:00 am - Sleep
• 7:00 am - 8:30 am - Unscheduled (but getting children ready for school, breakfast, snacks, etc.)
• 8:30 am - noon - Work
• Noon - 1:00 pm - Unscheduled (lunch)
• 1:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Work
• 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm - Unscheduled (but filled with things I must do)

My personal 8-8-8 rule is 7.5-8.5-8. (7.5 hours of work, 8.5 hours of unscheduled time, 8 hours of sleep.)

Prioritize the unscheduled time

What are all the things you must do, want to do, and all the things that you actually do? Write it all down. Let's start with the things that you must do.

What do you have to do?

As a parent, the unscheduled time probably includes dinner, an extracurricular at least once a week, homework, and getting kids in bed. Schedules and routines are very important. Especially for the kids. These are the things you actually (must) do.

In my personal example, I have 6 hours between finishing work and getting to bed. In that time, I must:

• Cook and eat dinner (1 - 1.5 hr)
• Help with Homework (1 - 2 hrs)
• Get them ready for and in bed (45 min - 1 hr)

That's anywhere from 3-4.5 hours of time out of 6 hours gone. These are top priorities, so mark them as "very high" in your list.

What do you want to do?

Now what about your personal goals? Do you want to work out? Read? Study? What is it that you keep saying "I don't have time for myself to do..."? Write them down below your "must do" items. Prioritize them as "high", "medium", "low". Are they related to a major goal you have, like improving your physical health or landing a better job? How do they compare to each other?

What do you actually do?

This is the one where you'll analyze what you're actually doing with your spare time. Are you playing games? Scrolling through videos? Watching tv or movies? Write it all down, all the things that aren't things you must do and aren't helping you reach your goals. Add them to the bottom of your list and add priority levels. The assumption is that most of these things are "low".

Review your list

Once you have your list, look at all of your "high" items. What will they help you accomplish? Which goals are they part of?

Now look at your "low" items. How much time are you actually spending on them? Which one can you replace with one of your "high" items? This is the goal. Replace the things that aren't really all that important with things that are top priorities.

And yes, you can leave yourself a bit of "low" time, but you'll need to have self-discipline to make sure that you're not slipping into old habits.

How can you get it all done?

Every moment we can combine activities, especially things we must do and things we want to do, is a major victory. It helps if you have someone to help, but if you don't, here's an example of how to combine tasks:

While you cook dinner, have them start homework. You can review their math problems or check answers between cutting vegetables and letting the food cook and simmer. That will save you a good bit of separate homework time.

You can also work on your own chores like folding their laundry while they do homework or while they are taking a shower and getting ready for bed.

Save meaningful conversations for the dinner table and make dinner a family activity for quality time. No devices, no tv. Consider not allowing devices for the rest of the night once bedtime routines have begun so that their minds can begin winding down for sleep and less of a battle for you.

My personal examples

From 8:00 am to 8:30 am, I am still with one of the younger children after having just taken the other to the bus stop. If he's working on a class project or enjoying his tablet, that's an extra 30 minutes that I can use for something else. Like a chore that I won't have to do that evening. Or writing this blog post.

Sure, I could use it to scroll mindlessly on Facebook, and believe me, I've done it. But then I realize later that night when I'm exhausted and really need to rest that I have something left to do. And it sucks.

If I want to go on more walks, I could combine it with quality family time and walking the dogs by making it a family activity.

If I want to read more, and I know the kids need to read more for school, then make it a family activity to read for 20-30 minutes each night. At home, I make it a point for them to read 15-20 minutes, or one chapter, every morning during breakfast. It keeps the morning calmer and helps them ready their minds for a day of learning. Initially, it was a bit of an argument every morning, but eventually they got into a routine and now don't complain at all. And it frees up my time and theirs at the end of a long day.

Find Support for Your Plans

Grandparents/neighbors

When my bio kids were younger, and I couldn't work from home, I had to rely a bit on grandparents (until my dad got really sick with cancer) and some awesome neighbors. They'd watch the kids for an hour or so between the kids getting off the bus and me getting home, and it was not only a stress reliever, it was also a financial help.

For neighbors, you could offer to trade off some time. For example, they could help watching your kids with theirs during the week while you watch theirs on weekends for a few hours. This would help your neighbors feel more like it's a partnership and mutually beneficial and less like they are being used or taken advantage of. Just make sure that you add the agreement to your plans.

Local public school programs

Another option to consider if you have young kids and daycare is expensive after school, some school districts offer a very low cost after school program. The one at our elementary school is $65/week and lasts until 6 pm. They have tons of activities and they help students complete homework (which also saves a bunch of time for when you get home).

Pencil it in (follow through)

Whatever your plans are, writing them down is a must!

Calendar

Make sure that you are scheduling time in your busy day to actually do your high priority items. Make calendar entries and actually follow it. It'll be annoying and frustrating at first, but soon you'll build good habits.

My favorite app is TimeTree. It's free for iOS and Android. You can create recurring events and have multiple calendars that you can share with different individuals. My calendars are:

• Bills (shared with my future husband)
• Family (shared with our household only), and
• Kids (for extracurriculars and special events that I share with our household and the grandparents)

Tools for tracking progress of goals

I love breaking down plans and goals into realistic chunks, bite-size pieces that I can handle in short bursts of time. Since I work in IT, I've learned about being agile and how to break down major goals into phases and workable tasks.

My favorite tool by far is Jira. It's free for up to 10 users so no financial burden on you!

You can read more about being agile here: Achieving your long-term goals by adopting an agile mindset – Versatile Parent

Wrapping it up

We all have busy lives. I'd argue that parents more so than anyone else. But you can succeed at getting the most important things done. Just remember:

• Timebox your life
• Prioritize the unscheduled time
• Bundle activities
• Find support for your plans, and
• Pencil it in (follow through)

Good luck and stay focused!